BioWare According to Mom

Mom: y dos no1 ever believ there r dragons??
Mom: they all just say o n dragons r not real
Mom: last tiem i killed an archdragon
Reg: Archdemon, but yes.
Mom: nd at least 2 high dragons right
Mom: ??
Reg: Flemeth and Notdraste, so I think so.
Mom: ud think theyd face up 2 reality by now
Mom: were getting a drink
Mom: me nd lady p cant handel this nymore

Reg’s Mom and the Fine Art of Roleplay. sob

Mom: Wa—WHAT IS IT DOING?
Reg: …kill shot. o-o
Mom: DOES THAT MEAN I WON?
Reg: THAT MEANS YOU WON.
Mom: [screams]
Reg: [screams, too] YOU DID IT!
Mom: I SAVED FERELDEN!
Reg: YOU BEAT YOUR FIRST VIDEO GAME!
Mom: I DID IT!

I wish you guys could see her face oh my god it’s so adorable. She’s literally bouncing and her grin is huge.

Mom: Reg… REG I’M DYING AGAIN HELP ME! [throws controller at Reg without pausing the game]
Reg: [scrambles to get control before it takes out her laptop] Wha—oh christ what is even—
Mom: MAKE IT STOP KILLING STEN.
Reg: STEN ISN’T GOING TO DIE HE’S A TANK HE IS BUILT TO HANDLE THIS.
Mom: NOW IT’S KILLING MORRIGAN.
Reg: WHERE ARE YOUR ALLIES?
Mom: I THINK I USED THEM ALL.
Reg: Oh, for the love of—
Mom: Where’d it go?
Reg: Another tower. Okay, now you’re going to let your allies do whatever the hell they want. Camp by that ballista and mash on it, alright? And while that’s happening—
Mom: I can do this myself you know. [take controller back] You don’t need to hold my hand.

:| I’m getting mixed signals you guys.

Now that we’re all fed and content…

Mom: Why am I doing this I’m going to get indigestion. I’m going to throw up.
Reg: Nervous?
Mom: Yes.
Reg: You can restart. We saved around your tactics. It’s fine. You’re fine. Just keep breathing, that’s it. Would you like me to get a cool towel for your head?
Mom: I’m fighting a dragon not giving birth to a baby. [pause] Though in the end it probably amounts to the same thing. Use protection, Reg, otherwise you’ll get pregnant and give birth to an Archthing-dragon-demon.

Further proof that my mother is the bastard love child of Loki and Flemeth. I may give birth to an Archdemon.

Mom: Are you done?
Reg: Mom, this is important, do you want to die?
Mom: No. But I’m bored. [notices tumblr gif giffing] Ooh, what’s this?
Reg: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [flings self at laptop]
Mom: Is… [tilts head to the side] Is he masturbating?
Reg: …yes.
Mom: Wow, look at those abs. Bob, why don’t you look like this anymore? [shows laptop to Reg!Dad]
Dad: I never looked like that.
Reg: [dies of mortification] Can we just—the Archdemon—please just—
Dad: You know, he kind of looks like Albert.
Mom: Ooh, he does.

I give up.

Reg: Okay, well, hm. How did you even get to this point?
Mom: What do you mean? What is all that? Did I do something wrong?
Reg: …all your tactics are set to custom and none of them are actually populated with commands.
Mom: Is that a problem?
Reg: That’s why your people are just standing there and letting the Archdemon kill them.
Mom: So does the Archthing have a [air quotes] “wipe tactics” skill?
Reg: …no.
Mom: So why aren’t there [air quotes] “tactics.”
Reg: Because you didn’t set them.
Mom: Well you didn’t tell me to!

Still my fault.