BioWare According to Mom

Mom: ed ws a rouge robot!
Mom: :-O
Reg: Yeah, that was a mission in the first game you could do.
Mom: but when joker unshackled her she didnt hurt any1 she helped
Mom: :-O
Mom: she protcted us from cerb
Mom: haha w jokers porn
Mom: nd then she took teh body o the robot they wanted 2 replace her w
Mom: shes v awesome
Reg: I like EDI too.
Mom: y
Mom: shes a good team member even if shes a robot its ok

:>

Mom: is it weird that i liek 2 always shoot the shield cebrrus guys through teh little hole?
Reg: No.
Mom: u dont think so?
Reg: No, that’s one of the single most satisfying things to do in the game.
Mom: im glad u agree w me
Mom: ur dad thinks its weird
Reg: How did that even come up?
Mom: he came in 2 ask a q and i cheered when i shot teh shield guy
Mom: is this how u feel when u explain things 2 us

Once upon a time, yes. But now you’ve come to the dark side.

Mom: mirandas sister is on sancturay
Mom: is this where they mass produce there forces
Reg: What?
Mom: ??
Reg: What do you mean?
Mom: where they make therre troops
Mom: r they usin teh ppl who went there 2 b safe
Mom: i dont like sheen v much
Mom: can i shoot him

…this. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Mom: Is that—that’s the geth I sent to Cerberus! [disgusted noise] Cerberus, really?
Reg: Yes.
Mom: Old Machines? Is this what you meant by things I don’t know?
Reg: Partially, I think. Talk to him, let’s see what’s up.
Mom: I don’t believe him. This is some kind of set up. Freeing him is a process. Of course it’s a process. It’s never easy. But EDI said something interesting… that it’s strange for the geth to lock up another geth. [sigh] I’ll look into it. I’ll have to, won’t I?
Reg: I don’t know, honestly. I didn’t give Legion away, but he ends up here in either case.
Mom: The quarians are firing on the dreadnaught?! But I’m still on it! These people are crazy!

I was a good child. I resisted a pot/kettle comment.

Mom: haha atlas cant shoot
Mom: i never heard anything about babies from jacob
Reg: You don’t ever talk to anyone, that’s why.
Reg: You need to actually use the Investigate options.
Mom: o
Mom: but i want 2 shoot htings not takl 2 ppl
Reg: Then I guess you’re okay. But you get a lot out of taking those options. You should try a few.
Mom: ok
Mom: next time
Mom: going 2 get upgades 4 guns

Upgrades for guns > conversations trees, apparently.

Mom: i have another question
Reg: Okay.
Mom: y does cerb hav flying shooes nd we dont
Reg: What?
Mom: ok
Mom: mayb not flying shooes
Mom: hover boots
Mom: y dont we have those
Mom: i want them
Mom: makes me wonder y there arent hoverboards in this place
Mom: y arent there hoverbords

BioWare: Mom has thrown down the gauntlet. Save me. Send help.

Mom: so u no how fast those phantoms r
Mom: they zip around nd r a pain
Reg: Yes.
Mom: headshot
Reg: Sometimes I think you might be touched by some divine gaming power.
Mom: haha
Mom: she was stuck tho so mayb im not so cool
Reg: You shot a Phantom in the head. It doesn’t matter what she was doing. You’re better than cool. You’re fabulous.
Mom: ok
Mom: im fab then

Very fabulous.

Mom: ok so i have an important q 4 u
Reg: Shoot.
Mom: r there zombies in this game
Mom: bcause im awtching this cerb guy
Mom: hes twitching nd hasnt stopped its v weird
Reg: No, there are no zombies.
Reg: That’s probably just some weirdness in the animation.
Mom: o
Mom: r u sure
Mom: they wold surprise us u kno
Reg: Having beaten the game, husks aside, there are no zombies.
Mom: but teh husks r zombies
Reg: It’s game physics, Mom.
Mom: when they come ull die first
Mom: meatloaf 4 dinner?

I’m disturbed by that jump.

Mom: bryns v nice
Mom: i liek her
Mom: is she pregnant if u dated him
Reg: Yes.
Mom: o
Mom: glad i didnt then
Mom: haha kicking cerb in the balls
Mom: is that the guy who hooked up his bro 2 the geth
Mom: it is
Mom: y is there no renegade thing 2 punch him
Reg: You can choose not to tell him anything.
Mom: n
Mom: going 2 tell him his bro is ok
Mom: he cant get to him anyway
Mom: we have bgiger guns

Family is important when one side has bigger guns.

Mom: jacob!
Mom: hes alive
Mom: i gues we can keep these scientsts
Reg: Ooh and just wait until you find out what he’s been up to.
Mom: when u say it like that
Mom: did he get a girl pregnant
Mom: ?
Reg: You’re no longer allowed to play video games.
Mom: ha
Reg: I mean it.

HOW DO YOU DO THIS I think moms have superpowers it is the only explanation.