BioWare According to Mom

Things my mother has to say about BioWare's Dragon Age and Mass Effect games, from text conversations to phone calls to observations.

Dragon Age
Female human noble rogue
Female city elf.
Tag :: Dragon Age According to Mom

Dragon Age 2
Female mage
Tag :: Dragon Age (2) According to Mom

Mass Effect
Female infiltrator
Tag :: Mass Effect According to Mom
Posts tagged "cerberus"

Mom: ed ws a rouge robot!
Mom: :-O
Reg: Yeah, that was a mission in the first game you could do.
Mom: but when joker unshackled her she didnt hurt any1 she helped
Mom: :-O
Mom: she protcted us from cerb
Mom: haha w jokers porn
Mom: nd then she took teh body o the robot they wanted 2 replace her w
Mom: shes v awesome
Reg: I like EDI too.
Mom: y
Mom: shes a good team member even if shes a robot its ok


Mom: is it weird that i liek 2 always shoot the shield cebrrus guys through teh little hole?
Reg: No.
Mom: u dont think so?
Reg: No, that’s one of the single most satisfying things to do in the game.
Mom: im glad u agree w me
Mom: ur dad thinks its weird
Reg: How did that even come up?
Mom: he came in 2 ask a q and i cheered when i shot teh shield guy
Mom: is this how u feel when u explain things 2 us

Once upon a time, yes. But now you’ve come to the dark side.

Mom: mirandas sister is on sancturay
Mom: is this where they mass produce there forces
Reg: What?
Mom: ??
Reg: What do you mean?
Mom: where they make therre troops
Mom: r they usin teh ppl who went there 2 b safe
Mom: i dont like sheen v much
Mom: can i shoot him

…this. This is why we can’t have nice things.

Mom: Is that—that’s the geth I sent to Cerberus! [disgusted noise] Cerberus, really?
Reg: Yes.
Mom: Old Machines? Is this what you meant by things I don’t know?
Reg: Partially, I think. Talk to him, let’s see what’s up.
Mom: I don’t believe him. This is some kind of set up. Freeing him is a process. Of course it’s a process. It’s never easy. But EDI said something interesting… that it’s strange for the geth to lock up another geth. [sigh] I’ll look into it. I’ll have to, won’t I?
Reg: I don’t know, honestly. I didn’t give Legion away, but he ends up here in either case.
Mom: The quarians are firing on the dreadnaught?! But I’m still on it! These people are crazy!

I was a good child. I resisted a pot/kettle comment.

Mom: haha atlas cant shoot
Mom: i never heard anything about babies from jacob
Reg: You don’t ever talk to anyone, that’s why.
Reg: You need to actually use the Investigate options.
Mom: o
Mom: but i want 2 shoot htings not takl 2 ppl
Reg: Then I guess you’re okay. But you get a lot out of taking those options. You should try a few.
Mom: ok
Mom: next time
Mom: going 2 get upgades 4 guns

Upgrades for guns > conversations trees, apparently.

Mom: i have another question
Reg: Okay.
Mom: y does cerb hav flying shooes nd we dont
Reg: What?
Mom: ok
Mom: mayb not flying shooes
Mom: hover boots
Mom: y dont we have those
Mom: i want them
Mom: makes me wonder y there arent hoverboards in this place
Mom: y arent there hoverbords

BioWare: Mom has thrown down the gauntlet. Save me. Send help.

Mom: so u no how fast those phantoms r
Mom: they zip around nd r a pain
Reg: Yes.
Mom: headshot
Reg: Sometimes I think you might be touched by some divine gaming power.
Mom: haha
Mom: she was stuck tho so mayb im not so cool
Reg: You shot a Phantom in the head. It doesn’t matter what she was doing. You’re better than cool. You’re fabulous.
Mom: ok
Mom: im fab then

Very fabulous.

Mom: ok so i have an important q 4 u
Reg: Shoot.
Mom: r there zombies in this game
Mom: bcause im awtching this cerb guy
Mom: hes twitching nd hasnt stopped its v weird
Reg: No, there are no zombies.
Reg: That’s probably just some weirdness in the animation.
Mom: o
Mom: r u sure
Mom: they wold surprise us u kno
Reg: Having beaten the game, husks aside, there are no zombies.
Mom: but teh husks r zombies
Reg: It’s game physics, Mom.
Mom: when they come ull die first
Mom: meatloaf 4 dinner?

I’m disturbed by that jump.

Mom: bryns v nice
Mom: i liek her
Mom: is she pregnant if u dated him
Reg: Yes.
Mom: o
Mom: glad i didnt then
Mom: haha kicking cerb in the balls
Mom: is that the guy who hooked up his bro 2 the geth
Mom: it is
Mom: y is there no renegade thing 2 punch him
Reg: You can choose not to tell him anything.
Mom: n
Mom: going 2 tell him his bro is ok
Mom: he cant get to him anyway
Mom: we have bgiger guns

Family is important when one side has bigger guns.

Mom: jacob!
Mom: hes alive
Mom: i gues we can keep these scientsts
Reg: Ooh and just wait until you find out what he’s been up to.
Mom: when u say it like that
Mom: did he get a girl pregnant
Mom: ?
Reg: You’re no longer allowed to play video games.
Mom: ha
Reg: I mean it.

HOW DO YOU DO THIS I think moms have superpowers it is the only explanation.