BioWare According to Mom

Things my mother has to say about BioWare's Dragon Age and Mass Effect games, from text conversations to phone calls to observations.

Dragon Age
Female human noble rogue
Female city elf.
Tag :: Dragon Age According to Mom

Dragon Age 2
Female mage
Tag :: Dragon Age (2) According to Mom

Mass Effect
Female infiltrator
Tag :: Mass Effect According to Mom
Posts tagged "dragon age"

Mom: i feel better no
Mom: ok act 2 startd nd teh count wants me 2 do something about teh qunari
Mom: i wish sten were here
Mom: i wish i had nicr cloths
Reg: We can get an armor pack.
Mom: ok ill buy it 4 u y havnt teh qunari left?
Reg: Because they’re grumpy old men waiting for their ship to come in?
Mom: id b grumpy 2 
Mom: !!
Mom: lets send them 2 teh bloomin rose

Somehow I suspect that is not the solution to Kirkwall’s qunari problem

Though now I’m picturing the Arishok in a brothel and chuckling quietly.

Reg: [picks up phone] Hi, you’ve rea—
Mom: He joined the templars!
Reg: Oh, I see you’re at that pa—
Mom: My brother. Joined. The templars.
Mom: Mine.
Mom: Did he forget that his sister is a mage? Does he really hate me?
Reg: Well, you se—
Mom: No little brother of mine is going to join the templars. I’m going to kick his ass across Kirkwall. [hangs up]

Yep.

Have I mentioned she’s an older sister?

Mom: did it
Reg: Nailed it?
Mom: its sad beans cant b here but i understand this world isnt rdy 4 him
Mom: found some trasure 2
Mom: got a nice key nd staff
Mom: 6g
Mom: what did u get?
Reg: A mom who loves to game.
Mom: aw thats sweet
Mom: ok time 2 get out o this joint and shower
Mom: i bet im gross nd coverd in dirt and profane parts

Profane parts.

Mom: ok
Mom: i had 2 paus
Reg: Stuff to do?
Mom: n
Mom: theres a giant red rock monstr nd i thnk its gon 2 kill me
Reg: You going to kill it first?
Mom: im tryin 2 think about how 2 do this
Mom: strategize
Reg: Kill it before it kills you.
Mom: thats ur strategy?
Reg: Generally.
Mom: this is y u play vangards nd im a infiltrator
Reg: What’s that mean?
Mom: u have no sense o strategy nd get killed a lto

:| There’s nothing wrong with being 100% offense if you kill it first.

Mom: theres a biggr 1
Mom: its talkin 2 me nd i dont trust it i think it wants 2 kill me
Mom: n its a demon
Reg: What are you going to do about it?
Mom: kill it
Mom: y would u do anyhtin else its ade mon

Then I think about Anders and Justice.

And I laugh a little on the inside. Wait until you have to apply this logic to sympathetic characters, Mom. Just wait.

Mom: i dont liek this plac
Reg: Why? What happened?
Mom: i ran in2 these things calld profane
Mom: they killd every1 except frosty
Reg: You named your dog after our beast?
Mom: y
Mom: im goin 2 try again tho
Mom: this tiem ill win
Reg: What difficulty setting are you on?
Mom: hard
Mom: y
Mom: does that matter???

sobs into hands my mother plays on hard mode

Mom: we found a dwarf place
[five minutes later]
Reg: And? What do you think of it?
Mom: its weird
Mom: its rly weird
Mom: its damn weird
Mom: i dont liek it lets go home
Mom: y cant i tell them theres nothing here nd we shold go
Mom: nm theres an idol here it made chests bro b stupid and betray us
Mom: haha i slid down teh banister
Reg: Going to finish?
Mom: fightin my way out 2morrow i think
Mom: then ill find him nd kill him

And so ends Part 1 of Mom’s Deep Roads Adventure.

Mom: !!!!!
Reg: You’re doing that a lot today.
Mom: dragon
Mom: !!
Mom: im excitde
Reg: You’re excited.
Mom: y
Mom: theyre fun 2 fight
Mom: do u think we will win
Reg: I think you have to in order to progress the story.
Mom: but do u think w will win
Mom: i do bcaus my team is teh best

Actually, she’s super proud of the hard things she fights and kills. High dragons, dragons, Archdemons, Reapers.

Mom: savd sandal
Mom: he turned a ogre in2 ice
Mom: theres somthing about that kid
Reg: Or it’s just hilarious that he can venture into the Deep Roads and remain virtually untouched.
Mom: im jealous
Mom: we should recruit him

/adds Sandal as a companion to wishlist

Mom: i walkd up a flight o stairs nd out o no where spides appered nd attack me
Mom: when i kileld them a huge one showed up
Mom: it must have been as big as the car
Reg: Did you scream?
Mom: n
Mom: who wold scream at video game spiders?

I would.

Every time they appear. :| NOT ALL OF US CAN BE AS COOL AS YOU