BioWare According to Mom

Mom: Anderson! [beat] You!
Reg: Wow, that was some venom, Mom.
Mom: Him. That—that— I will end you, Illusive Man. Is he pontificating at me?
Reg: Yes.
Mom: I suppose I should listen to his crazy rantings. I owe him that.
Reg: Maybe a little.
Mom: He’s out of his mind. He is completely lost it.

Mom: Well. This is gross. So they’re processing people at the Citadel?
Reg: I think so.
Mom: Look at me! I’m a wreck! Anderson! I need to find him.
Reg: A good choice.
Mom: Anderson, I’m coming for you. I’ll find you. I will find you.

Mom: Why aren’t I moving faster?! Look at me, I’m a disaster! Go, Shepard, go! [shoots husks] …why didn’t I have this gun before?

Mom: BEANS!
Reg: Garrus! EDI!
Mom: Come on, Joker, don’t let me down! Save my boyfriend. And your girlfriend! I picked the worst squad.
Reg: No.
Mom: Garrus, I— [selects love you option] Reg, I can’t handle this game.
Reg: Yeah, it’s brutal.
Mom: Come on, computer-me. We have to make this count. For Garrus. W—NO!

:|

Mom: HARBINGER.
Reg: What happened to indoor voices?
Mom: I lost mine sometime between a Harvester landing on me and a banshee shoving her arm through my chest.
Reg: Reasonable.
Mom: RUN FASTER SHEPARD! We have Reapers to destroy!

Mom: YES. [punches air] YES! Won! No thanks to those banshees showing up right on top of me! Okay, is this another calm spot? …are you laughing?
Reg: No. [is laughing]
Mom: Reg, you’re laughing.
Reg: Only because that’s how terribly that battle went fo—
Mom: Harbinger? [in perfect time with Shepard] I’m going to destroy hi—or go to the Citadel.

SOON.

Mom: Let’s try these brutes again. Now that I know what’s going on. I can do this. [proceeds to kill them]
Reg: Watch out for the—
Garrus: Harvester!
Mom: Harvester? Whe—WHY IS IT LANDING ON ME?!
Reg: RUN AWAY!
Mom: WHY IS IT ALWAYS LANDING ON ME?!
Reg: KILL IT!
Mom: [kills it] Okay, so now missi—WHERE DID THAT BANSHEE COME FROM?

Okay so this is pretty amusing.

Mom: Did you mean these brutes?
Reg: Naw there’s only two.
Mom: [turns around] THERE ARE NOT JUST TWO.
Reg: OH GOD YES I MEANT THOSE BRUTES.
Mom: THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!
Reg: RUN RUN RUN!
Mom: I CAN’T RUN I HAVE TO SHOOT THEM!

And then we died.

Mom: What do you mean it’s still too close? No, I don’t want that thing any closer! Reg this is horrifying!
Reg: Isn’t it stressful?
Mom: More of them?!
Reg: Wait until the brutes show up.
Mom: The brutes?!

Mom: So many Reaper things to kill!
Reg: There are a LOT of them.
Mom: …did that guy just say our big damn guns don’t work?
Reg: Uh. Yes.
Mom: I’ll just have to do it myself. Like on Rannoch! Commander Shepard saves the galaxy with a laser pointer!

Sort of. But not really.