BioWare According to Mom

Things my mother has to say about BioWare's Dragon Age and Mass Effect games, from text conversations to phone calls to observations.

Dragon Age
Female human noble rogue
Female city elf.
Tag :: Dragon Age According to Mom

Dragon Age 2
Female mage
Tag :: Dragon Age (2) According to Mom

Mass Effect
Female infiltrator
Tag :: Mass Effect According to Mom
Posts tagged "reg's mom plays dragon age"


i foresee a lot of “I AM AT A BOSS FIGHT, DO IT FOR ME REG” moments

Mom: Wait, Reg, I don’t understand, why can’t I keep using that skill?
Reg: Because there’s a cooldown time on it.
Mom: …why?
Reg: So you don’t just spam the ability.
Mom: But that’s stupid. I should just be able to stab it to death. It’s just some guy. Why doesn’t he die when I slit his throat?
Reg: …later in the game, you might get to decapitate people.
Mom: I know what game I’ll be playing when I have arguments with your father.


Mom: …but he died.
Reg: Yep.
Mom: But they can’t do that.
Reg: Oh, but they can.
Mom: But he’s the ki—oh. Oh.
Reg: I sense brains at work.
Mom: So that’s why he and Alistair look so much alike!
Reg: :3
Mom: Go make me a taco, I need to get Alistair on the throne. When do I find out he’s a prince?
Reg: When he likes you enough. Probably outside Redcliffe. Just talk to him a lot in the next town.
Mom: Didn’t you say there’s a thing that makes his pants fly off? I wan—is that Captain Janeway? Why is Captain Janeway a crazy old woman?
Reg: Some people would argue she always was.
Mom: Why are you typing? Are you writing what I’m saying?
Reg: Christ yes.
Mom: Tell them I’m going to marry the pretty boy since I can’t marry Sten.

You heard it here first: mom’s marrying Alistair because Sten is unavailable.


Mom: wat do w jow?
Reg: Jowan?
Mom: i savde him
Reg: Oh you mean his ritual. Well you can send Morrigan into the Fade and kill Isolde, kill Connor, or go to the Mage’s Tower.
Mom: KILL A LITTLE BOY?!!?!??!
Reg: Then go to the Mage’s Tower.
Mom: wat did u do
Reg: Just go to the Tower.
Mom: where r dwarves
Reg: Mom. Just go to the Mage’s Tower, seriously.
Mom: save islde?
Reg: Yes.
Mom: i lioke her
Mom: shes a gud mom
Mom: but i think shes sleepng w teaman
Reg: Teagan? Yes, probably.
Mom: thats ok
Mom: id do him 2

Question and exclamation marks approximated.

My mother has been playing Dragon Age all morning guys.



Also she gave the Grey Warden doll to Alistair. He’s in love already.


My mother texts like a two-fingered drunken monkey. All her texts have been transcribed as sent, so her original intent could be preserved.

Mom: reg u lied 2 me
Reg: About?
Mom: u said 2 go 2 the snow plaec 4 the chest
Reg: Did you finish Soldier’s Peak already?
Mom: y
Mom: eryone in the grand canyon ded
Reg: Redcliffe? Did you go to Redcliffe and then leave?
Mom: y
Mom: u sad i nedded the chest
Mom: ppl died bcuz of u
Mom: i hope ur happy
Reg: Wait, so you finished Soldier’s Peak and got the chest already this morning?
Mom: y
Mom: i killd the ded woman and aburny
Reg: Avernus?
Mom: y
Mom: the lady had tassles
Mom: on her nips
Reg: Ahhah yeah desire demons. Are you going to finish Redcliffe?
Mom: nu
Mom: want 2 find dwarves
Mom: bbl have 2 fight monsters