BioWare According to Mom

skiesovergideon:

i foresee a lot of “I AM AT A BOSS FIGHT, DO IT FOR ME REG” moments

Mom: Wait, Reg, I don’t understand, why can’t I keep using that skill?
Reg: Because there’s a cooldown time on it.
Mom: …why?
Reg: So you don’t just spam the ability.
Mom: But that’s stupid. I should just be able to stab it to death. It’s just some guy. Why doesn’t he die when I slit his throat?
Reg: …later in the game, you might get to decapitate people.
Mom: I know what game I’ll be playing when I have arguments with your father.

skiesovergideon:

Mom: …but he died.
Reg: Yep.
Mom: But they can’t do that.
Reg: Oh, but they can.
Mom: But he’s the ki—oh. Oh.
Reg: I sense brains at work.
Mom: So that’s why he and Alistair look so much alike!
Reg: :3
Mom: Go make me a taco, I need to get Alistair on the throne. When do I find out he’s a prince?
Reg: When he likes you enough. Probably outside Redcliffe. Just talk to him a lot in the next town.
Mom: Didn’t you say there’s a thing that makes his pants fly off? I wan—is that Captain Janeway? Why is Captain Janeway a crazy old woman?
Reg: Some people would argue she always was.
Mom: Why are you typing? Are you writing what I’m saying?
Reg: Christ yes.
Mom: Tell them I’m going to marry the pretty boy since I can’t marry Sten.

You heard it here first: mom’s marrying Alistair because Sten is unavailable.

skiesovergideon:

Mom: wat do w jow?
Reg: Jowan?
Mom: i savde him
Reg: Oh you mean his ritual. Well you can send Morrigan into the Fade and kill Isolde, kill Connor, or go to the Mage’s Tower.
Mom: KILL A LITTLE BOY?!!?!??!
Mom: THAT IS NO OPTUON
Mom: Y DID TEY DO THAR?!!!?
Reg: Then go to the Mage’s Tower.
Mom: wat did u do
Reg: Just go to the Tower.
Mom: where r dwarves
Reg: Mom. Just go to the Mage’s Tower, seriously.
Mom: save islde?
Reg: Yes.
Mom: i lioke her
Mom: shes a gud mom
Mom: but i think shes sleepng w teaman
Reg: Teagan? Yes, probably.
Mom: thats ok
Mom: id do him 2

Question and exclamation marks approximated.

My mother has been playing Dragon Age all morning guys.

skiesovergideon:

I WAS LIKE MOTHER YOU NEED HER FOR ALL THE THINGS. ALL THE THINGS.

Also she gave the Grey Warden doll to Alistair. He’s in love already.

skiesovergideon:

My mother texts like a two-fingered drunken monkey. All her texts have been transcribed as sent, so her original intent could be preserved.

Mom: reg u lied 2 me
Reg: About?
Mom: u said 2 go 2 the snow plaec 4 the chest
Reg: Did you finish Soldier’s Peak already?
Mom: y
Mom: eryone in the grand canyon ded
Reg: Redcliffe? Did you go to Redcliffe and then leave?
Mom: y
Mom: u sad i nedded the chest
Mom: ppl died bcuz of u
Mom: i hope ur happy
Reg: Wait, so you finished Soldier’s Peak and got the chest already this morning?
Mom: y
Mom: i killd the ded woman and aburny
Reg: Avernus?
Mom: y
Mom: the lady had tassles
Mom: on her nips
Reg: Ahhah yeah desire demons. Are you going to finish Redcliffe?
Mom: nu
Mom: want 2 find dwarves
Mom: bbl have 2 fight monsters