BioWare According to Mom

Things my mother has to say about BioWare's Dragon Age and Mass Effect games, from text conversations to phone calls to observations.

Dragon Age
Female human noble rogue
Female city elf.
Tag :: Dragon Age According to Mom

Dragon Age 2
Female mage
Tag :: Dragon Age (2) According to Mom

Mass Effect
Female infiltrator
Tag :: Mass Effect According to Mom
Posts tagged "reg's mom plays mass effect"


Mom: computer pw
Reg: What?
Mom: wat is ur pw
Mom: 4 computer
Reg: Why do you need my computer password?
Mom: this mass change game
Reg: Mass Effect?
Mom: y
Mom: i want 2 play
Reg: I told you I’d get the console versions tomorrow when I pick up ME3.
Mom: i no
Mom: but want 2 play now
Mom: pw? 

*rubs temples* 

Should I just change DAAM to BioWare Accroding to Mom (BAM!) and be done with it?

Just dropping this here as a forewarning to all you lovely people. Because this may happen. For those of you who follow this blog and not my personal blog, you may not be aware that my mother took out three geth turrets in three hits while driving the mako at breakneck speeds yesterday.

I don’t know what my life is anymore, but if this blog abruptly changes name to BioWare According to Mom, you’ll know why. 

Over lunch, I installed Mass Effect on my mother’s computer. :| She now has an Infiltrator Shep and is running around the Normandy asking me if she can make kissy faces at Kaidan.

Screenies to come this evening.

Reg: Mom, the Reapers are here! 
We’re being invaded! 
Mom: reaprs arent real reg
Mom: duh

In response to the ANN reports, I attempt to troll my mother.

Apparently she has listened to me whining about the Reapers. Damn it.

Reg: Mooooom. Are you going to play DA2 or Mass Effect today?
Mom: Not sure. Why?
Reg: Because I don’t have tumblr savior for real life and if you play DA2, you’ll tell me things I don’t want to know.
Mom: This is you passive aggressively telling me you want me to play Mass Effect, isn’t it?
Reg: …yes. Well. No. I mean, think of it this way. ME3 came out a week ago tomorrow, so we should push through as quickly as possible to keep up with the hype. 
Mom: Or we could just leave the hype behind.
Reg: But then all the hipsters will judge us.
Mom: Hipsters?
Reg: Usually college students who wear beanies and listen to indie music and insist they liked something before it was cool.
Mom: Reg.
Reg: Mom.
Mom: I was playing video games* before they were cool. I was playing video games before these people were born. Oh, and Myst.
Reg: You’re the ultimate hipster.

My mom, the ultimate hipster.

*Said game was Gravitarreleased on the Atari 2600.

Mom: dead ppls evrywhere
Reg: 8D Mass Effect? 8D
Mom: y
Mom: graden eden
Reg: Eden Prime?
Mom: y
Mom: dead ppl :-(
Reg: Yeah, let me say right out the body count in this game is pretty high.
Mom: k
Mom: jenkins dead
Mom: 2 bad so sad
Mom: i liek spacealistairs butt 
Reg: You can romance that.
Mom: good 
Mom: ur dads got 2 ste pup his game 
Mom: all these prety men :-) 

Mom found the emote function on her phone this weekend.

Also I’m using the generic Mass Effect tag on these posts like I use the Dragon Age tag, so hello, Mass Effect fandom! If you do not want to see these posts, you are welcome to blacklist reg’s mom plays mass effect on tumblr savior.

Mom: wat
Mom: reg
Mom: space zombies
Reg: Yes, those are husks. They are, I have been told, Mass Effect’s darkspawn.
Mom: they killed me
Reg: They do that. You should kill them first.
Mom: everything went sparky
Reg[takes a minute to look up what this might mean] You should hold spacebar to pull up the HUD. Aim with the right mouse button. You always get a hit that way and could probably take them down before they get too close. 
Mom: cheating?
Reg: Taking advantage of all available resources.
Mom: k
Mom: killin space zombies now ;-)  
Mom: Mwahaha O:-)

My mother continues to abuse the emotes that come with her phone.

Mom: can i kill this guy w facepaint
Reg: Which guy?
Mom: sour beans
Reg: [takes a few minutes to be utterly confused] …do you mean Saren?
Mom: liek my name more
Reg: Saren is a major plot point, yes.
Mom: k
Mom: these computer things
Mom: make funny noises
Reg: The geth do, yes.
Mom: cute
Mom: lets get one
Reg: You want to get a mindless, mechanical killing machine as a pet?
Mom: still cuite 

I put money on my mother calling Saren “sour beans” for the remainder of her playthough. I don’t even know how she got that out of his name.

Mom: proteins are werd
Mom: prothins
Reg: Protheans?
Mom: y
Mom: if they r so gret
Mom: y is all theri stuff broken 
Reg: Considering they’re all dead, and have been for 50k odd years. Genocide generally ruins everything.
Mom: y did they die? 
Mom: see
Mom: not so great
Reg: Play the game and all will be revealed.
Mom: itss stupid they shoud have made a plan
Mom: undergrund bunkers
Reg: Mom. Just. Play. The game.
Mom: o did they do that?

 Apparently I can’t talk to her because she’s freakishly genre savvy.

Mom: these ppl
Reg: Which people? There are a lot of people in Mass Effect.
Mom: council?
Reg: What of them?
Mom: can shoot?
Reg: Alas, no. But you can’t really expect them to believe you when you say “I had a dream about the end of the world.”
Reg: That’s the stuff we laugh about when the news covers cults preaching that the end is near.
Mom: but hero
Mom: hero is specil
Reg: Not this time.
Reg: On the sliding scale of idealism v cynicism, you come out the loser every time.
Mom: shoot them 4 no listen
Mom: weare is ur scale now? 

I kind of wonder if she should even finish the game now that we know what she’s going to do.

Reg: I just really want to finish ME3.
Mom: Or you could just read about the ending.
Mom: Or you could just wait. 
Reg: Or I could just read the spoilers.
Mom: Which you don’t want to do.
Reg: All I want to do is write a critical analysis on the representation of technology and organic life’s relationship to technology in Mass Effect. The quarian’s relationship to the geth, organic life’s relationship to AI and VI, and AI and VI’s relationships with each other. The Reapers: are they truly representative of organic life’s destruction at the hands of its technology? Are they the bringers of salvation? Or are they meant as punishment for organic life’s desire to rise above its natural capabilities?
Mom: [a beat] I think you’re thinking about this too hard.
Reg: [wails] I knoooooooow.
Mom: Why didn’t you go into communications again?
Reg: [more wails] I don’t knoooooow.
Mom: Maybe you should just go to work.
Reg: Maybe I should. [sloughs off to work] 

I freely admit I think about this stuff too hard from time to time.