BioWare According to Mom

Things my mother has to say about BioWare's Dragon Age and Mass Effect games, from text conversations to phone calls to observations.

Dragon Age
Female human noble rogue
Female city elf.
Tag :: Dragon Age According to Mom

Dragon Age 2
Female mage
Tag :: Dragon Age (2) According to Mom

Mass Effect
Female infiltrator
Tag :: Mass Effect According to Mom
Posts tagged "strategy"

Mom: y is this place filled w fire breathing death snakes!
Reg: Having trouble?
Mom: n
Mom: y
Mom: a little
Reg: What’s the difficulty setting?
Mom: hard
Reg: Maybe you should try it on normal?
Mom: n
Mom: if im goin 2 b teh best i have 2 work on hard
Reg: Why not nightmare, by that logic?
Mom: bcaus then tempest kills my friends nd i dont liek that

Only later did it occur to me that my mom wants to be the very best, like no Hawke ever was.

Also the fact that she plays on hard kind of terrifies me.

Mom: so far 2day i spent 20 min looking 4 this herbalists tasks
Reg: Having trouble?
Mom: n
Mom: i alrdy got everything but i didnt ermemebr so i went all around teh montain
Mom: but i couldnt find it
Mom: so i googld the quest name and theres a huge guide online
Mom: do ur frinds no thats cheating?
Reg: Some of us are completionists and there are things that are hard to find.
Mom: thers a journal 2 did u no
Mom: teh wiki told me that and thats how i found out id already done anything
Reg: You didn’t realize there was a journal?
Mom: n
Mom: i knew
Mom: i just never realizd it had a point i though it was just 4 ur characters thoughts 2 keep u updated

You know, it’d be kind of funny if Hawke had a journal…

Mom: i rly liek it when they line up all 2gether
Mom: i got ambushed but there all in a nice line
Mom: so i can use tempest
Mom: v effective
Mom: kills them quick
Reg: While you’re on strategy, who is in your party?
Mom: lady pirate ava button nd me
Mom: and frosty sometiems
Mom: i n amed teh dog 4 frosty

Frosty is our dogbeast with no sense of personal space. She also likes blankets.

Mom: i dont understand how lady pirates knife killed that lady
Mom: isnt armor supposed to stop that from happening?
Reg: The power of a protagonist in a cutscene.
Mom: i dont kno what that means
Reg: In a cut scene, anyone can do anything.
Mom: oh
Mom: ok but i still think i should be able 2 cut thru armor liek its cheese

What if armor was cheese then what? I don’t even know we’d all smell bad.

Mom: u no
Mom: she usd 2 look different
Reg: Yes.
Mom: y
Mom: is that plot?
Reg: People guess that it could be, that she appears to people to fit their perceptions. Or it could just be a new game engine. Who knows?
Mom: theres a new engin in ur computer?
Mom: haha i want 2 b a dragon
Mom: do u think shell teach me magic
Reg: I think she might eat you.
Mom: probbly
Mom: she wants me 2 do things 4 her
Mom: since shes a dragon i dont think i shold say no

And that is logic to live by.

Mom: Today, I’m flying all over the galaxy in search of any remaining War Assets. Then I’m going to go back and deal with Cerberus. Does that sound like a good idea?
Reg: It’s your game. You play it how you want. If that’s how you want to do it, it’s a good idea.
Mom: You always give me non-answers.
Reg: Because I’ve learned. When I give you real answers, you get mad at me for ruining your fun. But when I give you blatantly fake answers, you grump at me and hide the bowl of little caramels.
Mom: I think I should also buy some guns… But I have no money.
Reg: Well, sometimes you have to save. Weigh your needs instead of your wants.
Mom: [throws a throw pillow at Reg] Go eat breakfast and feed the dog.

SEE I LISTEN TO YOU. Sometimes.

Mom: haha i wish u cold c this
Reg: What?
Mom: u no in grissom u can use an atlas
Reg: Yes.
Mom: i got out right in a doorway
Mom: nd now another atlas is trying 2 get in
Mom: but it cant get around the 1 i left
Mom: its stuck
Mom: :-)

I.

I must try this.

Mom: THEY HAVE DIFFERENT OUTFITS BUILT INTO THIS GAME. REG, DID YOU KNOW THAT?
Reg: …yes?
Mom: What’s Info? [clicks] Okay… okay… THE OUTFITS AUGMENT DIFFERENT SKILLS AND ABILITIES.
Reg: Yes?
Mom: Tell those people who made this that I approve and they get to continue.
Reg: Continue… what?
Mom: Making games.

MomShep: focusing on all the important things. She was so excited about this, though, you guys. I was sitting two feet away on my bed, and she was shouting.

Mom: [shrieks]
Reg: What happened?
Mom: The Reaper noise!
Reg: Ah, yes.
Mom: Where are they coming from? What’s—how—game over?
Reg: It’s not really that big a deal, you can reload. Just fly away next time!
Mom: Where did they come from?!
Reg: …didn’t you read the little pop-up thingie? I’m pretty sure the game explains that mechanic.
Mom: Of course I didn’t read it! It’s like those little boxes Windows gives you that you click through!

My Mom is a smart lady.

But she still doesn’t quite understand that you need to read the dialog boxes. She just clicks through and knows Dad or I will fix the problem.

Mom: where did their helmts go?
Mom: theyre just suddenly gon
Mom: laras back!
Mom: airvents in teh future must be pr strong
Mom: those guys r in armord suits
Mom: im impressed
Mom: but its 2 bad no1 lernd 2 make airvents u cant cral thru
Reg: It’s Mars. Let’s assume it’s part of the “we need air to breathe” system.
Mom: lara just shot them in the head
Mom: can i keep her this time
Reg: Why don’t you ask and find out?
Mom: its not letting me yet
Mom: she gets 2 stay this tiem

If you’re a hardass, you get to join Team MomShep.